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Dear You,

If you're reading this it means I've actually worked up the courage to mail it, so good for me. You don't know me very well, but you get me started I have a tendency to go on and on how hard the writing is for me. But this, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it.

I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn't looking for it, it wasn't on the make, it was a perfect storm. She said one thing, I said another, next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there's this feeling in my gut she might be the one. She's completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic with a great deal of maintenance required, she is you. That's the good news.

The bad is that I don't know how to be with you right now and it scares the shit out of me. Because if I'm not with you right now I have this feeling we'll get lost out there. Its a big bad world full of twist and turns and people have a have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could have changed everything.

I don't know whats going on with us and I can't tell you why you should waste the leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good, like home. And you make excellent coffee and that has to count for somethings. Call me.

Sometimes I wish I was stupid. Not uneducated, but actually stupid with a low IQ. Why you may ask? Because then I know that my unproductiveness and/or procrastination isn't wasting my brain/intelligence. I know shouldn't procrastinate, but I just can't help it. Hell, I'm doing it right now as we speak! I have so many things due before the end of the term and so far I've spent the last four, correction 5 hours, surfing the internet. At least if I'm stupid I know that I'm not waste away my potential because there is none.

I guess you can say I'm one of those people that are naturally smart but hardly do any work and still get below average to decent marks. I know I could do ALOT better in school if I actually worked my ass off instead of goofing around half the time but I feel that I have no motivation, or I've lost it.

Maybe if I find out what I want to do in life I would get motivated. And yes, I've talked to counselors and other admin people, and they're all useless.